there's a big black hole gonna eat me up someday

a lot of families aren't exactly filled with fairytales and smiling, happy faces. yana kovalsky's family was no different, with an absent father and hard-working mother barely holding things together it wasn't exactly easy on their four children. despite all this yana was determined to make a difference, she wasn't like her siblings from the start and often disregarded authority and conformity her whole life, especially once her teenage years came around. it wasn't long before she was very into the punk scene, had a whole new outlook on life and with that came new friends that her family didn't approve of. out of all these people a young boy named felix musgrave only two years her senior caught yana's eye, almost immediately the pair were inseparable and sickeningly in love. the relationship was always very dramatic, the couple fought hard but at the same time they loved even harder, taking on the world together until one day yana discovered she was pregnant and nine months later their first son was born. the birth of their eldest child seemed to bring yana and felix even closer together somehow, all the craziness didn't slow down one bit and they quickly became known around town as the wild punk couple now with their adorable baby in tow. a strange sight to behold only became stranger five years later when zelda nastasiya musgrave was born, their first and only daughter who was named after both zelda fitzgerald and her late grandmother nastasiya kovalsky.

for the most part childhood was kind to zelda, having two free spirited parents who let their kids experiment with hobbies as well as their appearance from an early age helped solidify a sense of self expression other children in their neighborhood weren't acclimated to. this self expression coupled with the fact that zelda was immediately obsessed with art from the first time she held a marker in her hands, so much that she was always seen doodling and scribbling away in journals with strange haircuts and mismatched clothes. while she distracted herself with schoolwork, art and even learning about music things in the household started to change very fast. yana accidentally became pregnant again and it seemed to have a rather serious affect on the woman, something everyone in the family picked up on almost immediately. directly following the birth of their third child and second son yana fell into a deep depression, after eight months of trying to deal with it herself yana decided it would be best to go away for a little while to get her head together. zelda didn't understand what was happening to her mom or her family, at this point she was only seven years old and the change in both of her parents was scary and took some getting used to. the pressure of raising three kids on his own took a heavy toll on felix who asked zelda's aunt nina to come stay with the family and if she wouldn't mind helping out, two weeks later nina would move in until yana returned home fourteen months after entering the psychiatric hospital. during this time zelda mostly tried to help out around the house and waited for the days where she could go see her mom at the hospital. it only happened a handful of times, after one particularly difficult meeting felix decided he couldn't watch his kids come home sad and confused when mom didn't seem interested in them so he started going alone. once her mom returned home and aunt nina moved back out it took some time for everyone to become adjusted to the change, still yana never really seemed to be the same person after her year long stay at the hospital. zelda spent a lot of these years feeling very confused and frustrated, putting a lot of those emotions directly into her journals and artwork.

despite the strain on their relationship zelda still loved her mom, she wanted more than anything to make her happy again and had a hard time accepting that it just wasn't possible despite being told numerous times by her father that it was much more difficult than that. never wanting to give up on her, zelda continued to do her best in school and help out around the house over the next few years in order to make things a little easier on her parents. sadly the cracks forming in their relationship weren't impossible to detect, what with felix coming home drunk more often than not, inciting fights with his wife and even taking out his anger on the kids sometimes. the urge to escape was so difficult to overcome for zelda during this time, she often kept a backpack full of clothes under her bed just in case but could never act on her impulses for fear of leaving her little brother behind. weeks, months, years passed like this and now zelda was fresh into high school, an already deeply unsettling and confusing time for a lot of teens became even worse for her with an abusive parent and the idea of home being completely destroyed by now. one day in particular would forever be burned into her mind for the rest of her life, after returning home from school just like any other day zelda instead found her mom unconscious in the bathroom covered in blood, all she could remember after this was crying on the phone and calling for an ambulance. unfortunately yana was pronounced dead before she could even be taken to the hospital, the paramedics even informed felix that she passed away long before zelda found her there. this sudden loss absolutely crushed everyone in the family, even her father expressed great sorrow over his wife's passing and it wasn't more than a week later before yana was buried that everyone was forced to try to deal with the aftermath and put their lives back together.

everybody responded differently but it was zelda who had the most destructive response to her mother's suicide, suddenly all she wanted to do was go out drinking and smoking weed with her friends, make music and draw all night until she had to drag herself to school. if she did sleep it was for a few hours and while she was home to check on her brother, avoiding her dad at all costs by now. the moment she graduated from high school zelda looked into art schools to attend in new york and made plans of leaving anchorage forever. while this young, damaged girl didn't have many big aspirations or dreams she did have the burning desire to escape her present life and create a new one for herself. once she got accepted to the art students league of new york she found a little studio apartment and spent every last cent she had road tripping all the way to manhattan. it was a rewarding experience despite being utterly exhausting and sometimes terrifying, zelda made it to manhattan in a week and instantly fell in love with new york. it wasn't long before she found a job as a barista part-time while pursuing school full-time and also trying to maintain her social life, it was surprisingly easy being far away from her dad and all the problems she left behind in alaska. the guilt of leaving her brother behind was something she struggled to get over for a long time, often making sure she set aside some time to call him each day so he didn't forget how much she thought about him. towards the end of her time at college zelda had began doubting herself and her abilities as an artist in general, panicking once she realized becoming a full fledged adult was right around the corner. taking whatever money she had left at the end of her lease it only felt right to take a spontaneous trip by herself again, unsure of the next time she would be able to travel after this and having a serious case of wanderlust she decided to spend a year traveling through russia, japan and south korea. this year of her life was incredibly transformative for zelda, she met and stayed with so many amazing and kind people along the way, only a few scary experiences this time. if she ever had a hard time trusting people before this trip, that feeling was completely diminished now.

after returning to new york from her trip overseas zelda decided to look for a place to stay in brooklyn, crashing on friends couches or floors until she found a job and got herself put back together again. it was a rough couple years, she didn't get to eat much and was back to sleeping very little but she was more than happy to be back in a familiar place with friends all around her again. deciding to live on her own was more a choice for her sanity than anything else during this time, she always enjoyed having time alone in order to create, even better if it was in a space completely curated for her needs. a small studio apartment suited her just fine, zelda didn't even have any proper furniture outside of some boxes stacked up as makeshift tables and a mattress on the floor in a corner somewhere. it wasn't until her best friend kept complaining that they couldn't hang out in her apartment comfortably that she decided to get a couch, some tables and a few chairs but at least it was something of an improvement. during this time zelda had been working in the kitchen of an upper class hotel cooking lunch and dinner for rich people all day, by night she was either recording music in her little studio apartment or making more art. if she was feeling socially adventurous enough sometimes she would even go out drinking and dancing with some friends. a couple years in and she really couldn't take cooking meals for rich assholes anymore, it was getting to zelda in the worst way and actually made her miserable on a day to day basis, until one particularly bad shift when she just quit altogether. after a few months of hopping around from job to shitty job zelda was asked by the owner of her favorite comics shop if she wanted to work there, being told that she already spent so much time at the shop and wouldn't even need to be trained much, of course she accepted and has been working at desert island ever since. it's a good environment, she enjoys chatting with a lot of the customers and getting to look at interesting art all day is a definite bonus. things seemed to be looking up for zelda from here, she was doing a lot of growing and figuring herself out during this time, even going so far as to start about five different music projects only to abandon all but one. the one that stuck together, a duo eventually morphing into a four piece somehow, has been one of her main focuses over the last couple years as it seems to be the only real outlet for everything that's built up. still, she truly wouldn't have it any other way. since then zelda's just been working a lot at the comic shop, trying to do interesting things with music and her art all while maintaining some sense of stability for herself and within her close relationships.